A sad day at church

Hi, blog. How are you? Missed me?
So random, right? Nah! I just need to let something out, as it is too heavy today.

The church announcement feels so heavy. My tears fell before our pastor finished reading his letter. It’s so much that my heart feels so sad knowing that another person is leaving. And I’m wondering, why am I crying? We’re not that close; a few simple hellos and how are you at church on Sundays are normal. But, why do I shed tears like this? I looked around, and sadness was so evident on people’s faces.

So our pastor for 16+ years announced his resignation at church after the service. Last year, they called him to serve in his hometown, and after a few months of praying for it, he finally decided to sign his resignation letter this morning. Yes, just this morning.

And then I remembered that February 25, today, is the 7th anniversary of my water baptism, led by our Pastor.

The emotion at church is heavy; a lot of people are crying. Our youth pastor was bawling, and it was too much to bear that I went out the door to contain myself. I just want to hug everyone, but I can’t. Who am I to do that for them? It’s weird.

I remember there was this one teacher who gave her testimony about God’s goodness at a prayer meeting. I couldn’t handle the emotion. I was crying and couldn’t stop. So, I gathered courage and hugged her after the service. Yes, I hugged her tight. And yes, we’re not close; I just see her in school. She’s not even my son’s teacher. But my emotions were so high and my soul was so touched that I had to hug her, not to appease her but to calm my heart and my soul. Yeah, I am weird like that. I don’t give hugs easily, especially to family. But, in moments like that, I feel like hugging is the only way to calm myself.

It seems I still cannot handle people leaving. I don’t show it that much, but I am grateful to a lot of people, and seeing them leave one by one hurts. People I know. People who mattered to me. People who gave me chances. People I hold on to. People who prayed for me when I was down. People who prayed continuously for my healing physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Just when I’m about to be active at church, gathering the strength and confidence to ask him, ‘What can I do, how can I help, or how can I contribute to the church?’ here he is, leaving.

I’m still grieving my husband’s death. And here’s another loss. A different kind of loss. Different grief. Yes, if you don’t know yet, there are different kinds of grief.

We all know that God orchestrates everything; it’s His will to transfer our senior pastor to his hometown. No questions about that. It is just sad. 16+ years of service, and I didn’t thank him once sincerely. He’s leaving on Dec 1, so I guess we have so much time to show how much I/we appreciate him.